Small Changes

Jun 8, 2019

There have been so many times throughout my life where I have come up with an idea and never pursued it. I have made plans and mapped out things extensively only to not follow through. This has been a never-ending cycle all throughout my adult life. I try things and decide they are not for me or that I am just not good at it. This cycle is called fear and self doubt my friends. And I told myself that I would no longer be a victim to either of those things. 

 I am someone who is good at many things so it has always been hard for me to narrow down what I have wanted to do for a career. The older I get the more I realize that I do not have to commit to just one thing for the rest of my life, however, I do need to follow through and finish the many projects I decide to pursue. At 31 years old I am doing just that, finally! 

 Just to give you guys a little insight into my journey: I went to college and received a criminal justice degree that I have literally never put to use. After school, I decided I wanted to be a makeup artist. And I did just that. I have done photo shoots, fashion shows, and even a little editorial work. I did paid shoots, unpaid, makeup for friends and after a while I found myself rolling my eyes every time some one asked me to do their makeup. If you ever need an indicator that something is not for you that is definitely it! 

 After my stint as a makeup artist I created a blog and decided I wanted to be a writer reminiscent of Carrie Bradshaw from sex and the city, because who didn't wanna be Carrie Bradshaw right? Only problem was I never wrote anything. I hardly posted on my blog and pretty soon that aspiration fell to the way side as well. Then life happened. I got a good corporate job, got into a relationship that I thought would be my last (boy was I so wrong, but that’s a blog post for another day) and was just coasting through life pushing my dreams/passions as far down as I could. I think deep down I felt like I could not achieve the things I wanted to because I just wasn’t good enough. I figured I had a good job and a good life so this enough for me. 

 It was not enough, I found myself in a toxic relationship at 28. I was working a job that I didn’t necessarily hate but definitely did not enjoy going to everyday, mostly because the hours I worked did not allow me any time for me and it was in a field I just had absolutely no interest in. I just felt empty. I was not feeding myself creatively and it was wearing down on me something heavy. I really just felt lost and ashamed that this was my life. I would wake up everyday and just feel like “this aint it.”

 At 29 I left that relationship and I decided that something had to give, I had to do something! And I did. I sat with myself for a long time and thought about what it was that I wanted to do with my life and slowly but surely I started to make small changes. I knew I could not financially afford to leave my job so I started applying for other positions at my company that would allow me time to at least work on my dreams during my off time. I started writing and blogging consistently. People started telling me that they actually enjoyed my content, which blew my mind. These small changes made me realize, “oh shit, Asia you could really do this, like forreal”. I can live a life that I have always wanted to. I can pursue a career outside of what I am already doing, I am not stuck and that I can be good at whatever it is I decide to do. I have been writing for other publications and have even started my own online thrift store, as sustainable fashion is another passion of mine. And I feel good about all of it. 

 I say all this to say if you are feeling stuck at any point in your life, know that is it temporary and that you alone have the power to pull yourself out. I know that a lot of the time our circumstances in life can make us feel like there is no way out but that simply is not true. You always have a choice. Make the choice that feeds your soul and makes you happy, even if that means you have to be uncomfortable for a little while. Even if it means your friends and family may look at you a little crazy like “WTF is she doing???” You have to do what is best for you, if you are not good and happy within yourself, you will be no good to anybody else in your life and I have learned that over time. 

Those small changes I made have led me into a life that I wake up everyday to and say “ Damn Asia you did that” lol! And that is what I want for anybody out there who is reading this. So make those small changes, do a little work each day that relates to your goals and passions, and eventually you will take on those big risks that will change your life.

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